Form good habits with good people
How groups can help you start, maintain, and advance your habits
Starting something alone is hard
“We languish when we don’t have connection.”
Jack Kornfield
Imagine the last time you tried to form a new habit – something you really wanted to do that didn’t seem to last. Maybe you wanted to start a new workout routine, meditate in the morning, cook dinner at home, or finally start that side project.
How did it go? It’s possible you started off strong, fueled by the initial excitement and completely self-motivated for a week, two weeks, or maybe even a month. Then what? Things got busy and your exciting new habit became just another item to add to your “someday” list.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Well, actually, you were most likely alone, and that could have been the problem. Although it may have felt like a lack of motivation or ability, it’s possible you just needed to find the right group to get things started.
Groups amplify your habits
“When you’re stuck, explain your problem to others. Often simply laying out a problem will present a solution. Make ‘explaining the problem’ part of your troubleshooting process.”
Kevin Kelly, Excellent Advice for Living
There’s no better way to get unstuck than to talk about your experience with other people. We do this all the time at work, constantly pinging co-workers and joining meetings to talk through problems and clarify next steps. It’s how we get things done on a daily basis. Unfortunately, this isn’t built into our personal lives. That’s where groups come in. They give us the foundational elements we need to start and maintain new habits:
Structure - A group provides a clear protocol to follow that establishes the structure to turn your aspiration into a consistent habit.
Support - Fellow group members are there to offer support and encouragement when you need it most so you aren’t stuck with feelings of doubt and uncertainty.
Guidance - Expert-led groups are even more effective, with someone who can give you personalized guidance from years of experience.
Accountability - True accountability is based on interdependence, and groups create the conditions where everyone’s participation is required to make it work.
Community - Being part of a group provides a sense of belonging that helps us adopt the identity and behaviors we aspire to.
Find people with shared goals
“The key, if you want to build habits that last, is to join a group where the desired behavior is the normal behavior.”
James Clear, Atomic Habits
As awesome as our friends and family might be, they aren’t always best equipped to help us establish new habits. Consider seeking out groups and environments where the people are already doing what you’re trying to do.
Finding the right fit is everything. You’ll feel more connected when everyone in the group shares similar goals and faces similar challenges. It will allow you to see what works and what to avoid as you learn from others working on the same types of behaviors, activities, and projects.
If you’ve already tried a group in this area and it didn’t go well, don’t worry, it’s just time to find the right fit. And if you haven’t tried this yet, you’ll quickly realize if a group was the missing link.
Follow a consistent schedule
“Don’t expect to be motivated every day to get out there and make things happen. You won’t be. Don’t count on motivation. Count on discipline.”
Jocko Willink
Showing up consistently is essential. Commit to a regular schedule with your group, ideally once a week, so you don’t let too much time pass feeling stuck or unmotivated. Put it on your calendar. Sign up in advance. Pay ahead of time. Tell the group what you’re committing to. Do whatever it takes to make this a regular part of your week.
If you feel like you’ve got so much going on that this sounds impossible, consider a schedule audit. Take a look at the past month on your calendar. Are there any nonessential tasks, activities, or meetings you can eliminate? Remember why you’ve chosen to start this new habit in the first place and find a way to give this a shot.
Try joining a group this week
"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It’s easy to try a group once. Start there. This isn’t a lifetime commitment, it’s just an experiment. The goal is simply to see if you can find people that make your new habit more effortless, engaging, and effective than it would otherwise be on your own. The only way to know is to try.
Choose one area that needs your attention most and a habit you’d like to start. What type of group might be the most beneficial for you right now? Here are some examples:
Group fitness classes
Co-working communities
Career mentor networks
Meditation sanghas
Startup incubators
Writing workshops
Hiking meetups
Book clubs
Art programs
Cooking classes
New parent groups
Open mic nights
Group therapy
Community service organizations
And so many more…
Find a group this week and see how forming new habits is better when you’re surrounded by the right people.